Finding Nemo and Finding Dory

People look at these movies and see hope. They see it through the eyes of Marlin, Nemo and Dory. They cheered when Dory and Marlin overcame the jellyfish obstacle course and the toilet where Nemo was flushed down. They smile and laugh. There is so much happiness onscreen that you can feel it oozing, warming the hearts of many. 

When I see this movie, I see differently: the beautiful CGI effects of the coral reef, the smooth water effect. I see the technical, and the minute little details.

I see much work it involved with all these stuff, the long arduous hours and the days devoid of inspiration. How many days did the tech team do the movie? How many hours did they put into making that perfect scar on that fish’s face?

 Did they feel the sense of monotony? The sense of hopelessness? 

The more I watched the movie, the more I see how the course has ripped apart my innocence and changed it into something monstrous, cold and slimy.

It used to be such a great movie. My sister loved it.

What’s not to love? The story was a heart wrenching love story between a father and his son, a friendship between a man (fish) and a woman (fish); and a close-knit friendship among five weird fishes.

 It was a story of triumph, of prevailing hope, of despair turning into joy.

My sister’s favorite character was Dory. She was such an absentminded fish, this Dory. Yet she loved with all her heart. She trusted Marlin even when he turned his back on her. She never held a grudge against him. It must be nice, to be this trusting. Get your heart broken, that’s okay. Let’s fix it with a song and a dance. 

I miss my sister. Thirteen years later and her shadow is in this movie still. Dory is her. If I had the chance, maybe I could change Dory’s countenance. Make it harder, maybe sassier. People love the violence of sassiness. They cheer for it in extreme feminism.

Or maybe I should leave it alone. Put it on a vault, lock it and throw away the key.

Such bittersweet sorrow, this waiting for the time when we could be together again. To talk to her again and tell her I don’t like Dory anymore.